A DEEP INSIGHT AND EXPERIENCE I HAD TODAY THAT MIGHT BE OF HELP TO YOU
After years visited the St. Anthony’s church in my home town. I was passing by and couldn’t resist the urge to visit this church which I used to frequent almost all my life since a child. Those days for all my life troubles I would sit and “talk it out’ with Jesus Christ staring unto this crucifix. I always chose the evening time when it used to be empty so that nobody see me talk like that and condemn me crazy ? Today was the same kind of evening when the church was empty. But this time it was such a wonderful feeling that I cannot explain. Am here after almost 10 years. This time there was no talk. I tried to converse like before and only found myself giggling at myself. There was only a feeling of overwhelming gratitude whenever I looked at Christ and the statue of St. Anthony.
This church even today, like those days, are visited by Hindus and Muslims, who burn candles and pray, for St. Anthony is believed to be the patron of miracles and “lost things”. People come here whenever they lost something precious and pray and miracles happen and that is how he came to be known as this patron. I remember, whenever I came here those days, I would tell St. Anthony things like, “Yes, I have also lost something, and I have come to you for solace.” The lost things were never material but the talks like, “I have lost my love, please help.” Or “I have lost my peace, please help.” Or “I have lost myself, please help.” There were days when I used to sit here for close to an hour having conversations as we have with friends, sometimes even weeping, because they were my only friends whom I fully trusted in ? Believe it or not, they never ever disappointed me. That is why today when I even attempted to talk nothing came out but gratitude.
Things have changed so much. Now I feel there is nothing to ask. It was always provided even without asking. So why was I asking all these years, like a beggar literally pleading things with God. This time was only gratitude and I found myself whispering to Christ today, “You never disappointed me in anything and today when i look back I can see that you have answered all my prayers, even though back then I thought you don’t. What I had lost back then and thought you did nothing, I realise today that you didn’t do so because you had something better for me, and how I wrongly thought you didn’t care, and grumbled. Thank you for the awareness with which I can see that today.” So today I just sat there and effortlessly and whenever I tried to have a conversation like before, I only fell into deep silence and went into meditation.
Am sharing this deliberately for you to catch the deep message in this hoping it helps you in somewhere in your life.