With attachment comes fear and sorrow

These writings are my own insights and own point of view. Hence, it is closed to any debates or arguments, but am sharing it with the only intention that what i experience and share of life, that be useful in some way atleast to the reader. Hence, if you feel this could help in any way, please read on.

We often talk about attachment and detachment, but how far are we experiencing it and living through it. Many agree to it’s impending challenges in the birth and death cycle, but are not able to fully be through it or to live it practically. There are many reasons to it. By mere reading or agreeing will not reach to the core of uprooting the root causes of attachments. These understandings have to be allowed to seep deep within and allowed to be experimented in daily life so that they start bearing fruits.

Detachment can be understood by living, by often reminding oneself of the temporary status of one’s stay on earth as well as of others and our stay with them. Simultaneously sadhana does a great deal to keep erasing the prints of these impressions of bonding between each other. Contemplating at every opportunity of incidents between each other as to what the root cause of that incident is will take one to understand eventually what caused that impression rather than trying to just forget the incident superficially. Having no expectation from anyone other than God/Guru helps a great deal in curbing further attachments. All attachments arise from past give and take stuff, so at every opportunity focus only on give rather than the take to finish off pending “takes”. Lack of expectations helps curbing out dependency out of which íone can remain hooked to another.

Guru’s teaching of acceptance, forgiveness, unconditionality in all aspects creates unconditional love too that will not matter if there is nothing. given back. Practising to only give in all aspects, is the key. Gradually, you will start seeing decline in attachments and start developing vairagya. To completely uproot, time, sadhana, self-efforts in initiating these acts will help. Normally, the attachments are so strong that one will always tend to ignore these things when opportunities to do this comes. Excuses pour in all manners from stating about other’s dependency over the seeker or the seeker’s responsibility towards them. Mind plays games and this inability to face this fact is the root cause of procrastination and postponement only hits the nail of attachment deeper. Facing the fact, understanding   what the game of relationship is all about helps. Contemplation on how temporary it is all going to be and how one or the other day everyone will be tested in their attachments to family, friends, relations, money, property, vehicles, etc, will help keep in check unnecessary attachments.

A serious seeker who has begun the process of the journey back home will always keep these things in check and even keep working hard over every small thing that can cause him attachment to anything around and is careful not to create more of unnecessary attachments that only builds up more karmic ties. But at the same time the seeker also knows that detachment does not mean arrogance towards family members or acting like a stone to them. In fact, this behavior can only leave back resentment from both sides and thus strengthen the attachment. Detachment does not mean just strong love but even strong hate is attachment. Anything that keeps you glued to the person or thing or feeling is attachment. That quality that glues one is what has to be destroyed. This comes in through the sadhana and the Guru’s teaching of the consistent practice of accepting everyone the way they are, forgiving everyone unconditionally. These two qualities if practised will automatically start producing unconditional love. Accepting everyone the way they are stops expectations and everything that folllows post expectations. The pride feeling of being responsible for others and the false feeling of being the doer will be squashed. You will start knowing that there is something higher that is taking care of everything and not you. You were only given the responsibility of bringing someone into the world and not the master of their lives just as your parents only played the role of bringing you in here and taking care of your well being to a certain point of time, after that even you will not like being a ‘slave’ to them. Also, keeping in mind always helps that the attachment itself has created your birth and the birth of everyone linked with you together and it is an opportunity that you sought before taking birth to finish off this bond of attachment by repaying it through the acts that finish off the debts. Very importantly it has to be kept in mind that in the process no further debts are created that can only strengthen the attachments.

From the great masters of Shaktipath tradition, I learnt a real incident of a lady saint in Kashmir. Before her actually becoming a saint, she lived a ‘normal’ life and married and gave birth to a boy child. After birth, after some days, something strikes within her and in the presence of the priest, she tells the priest that she has to go somewhere and that he will know about her relationship with her son later. Asking him to remember this conversation, she leaves her body (dies). Life goes on and lifetimes pass. After six different lives, destiny brings her back to this same village in Kashmir and she is again born as a girl in the same Brahmin family that she was born into earlier. When she grows up and her marriage is fixed and the day the bridegroom arrives, the priest who accompanies the groom’s people is the same priest who was there with her in the previous life episode. She looks at the priest and asks him if he remembers anything. To this the priest is stunned for a moment and recollects the earlier life conversation and episode. She then says, “The boy who was the child in that life time where i had left the body after telling you, is the boy who is standing here today in marriage. The husband of my that lifetime is my father-in-law in this life.”

Later, she, who now has a divine vision due to her spiritual advancement is unable to live to this dilemma that the prarabdh has created for her. Her husband who is a worldly person fails to recognize this and expects his wife to be his wife, while she sees her current role as well as her past connection as a mother. Thus, she avoid him all the time. Unable to understand this, her husband begins to get irritated and she tries hard to cope up with the situation, but her mystical powers keep revealing life’s real condition. She always remained in meditative states and once while she went to fetch water, she spent more time in her meditative state and thus returned back home late. This aroused suspicion in the family members that she might be seeing someone else and her husband also was doubting now since she never showed any physical interest in him. When she enters the home with the water pot on her head, furious with anger, the husband takes a stick and asking whom was she seeing strikes the pot to which something extraordinary happens. The pot breaks but the water remains still there to which all remained dazed. This episode revealed to all that she was not an ordinary human being. After this episode, seeing that it was not possible to chose between one relationship, that of a mother or a wife, she leaves home and moves about in a forest in high ecstatic states. One day, husband on coming to know that she was in a certain part of a forest, takes the priest along with him and goes to her and asks for pardon that he was unable to recognize her divinity, but he also reminds her that as a wife it is her duty to serve the husband and she should come back home. At this time, she tells him the truth of their past connections. She asks the priest to reveal it and the priest tells him the truth of that episode. The husband rubbishes it all and at that time she asks him to close his eyes and she grants him the divine vision of the previous life episode. The man totally stunned with this revelation cries for a while and then coming back to this senses falls at her feet, now with the changed feeling of seeing the mother in her. After this she goes ahead to become one of the most pure saints of those days wandering about alone in the jungles totally devoid even of her own body and it’s protection. Later, she is blessed by her Guru who grants her the further path and one day, she simply disappears with her physical body to avoid her followers, who were both hindus and muslims, who were to fight on burying her or burning her as per their beliefs. To avoid this, she simply disappears from the place and even today remains in samadhi at a different realm. She did not want publicity in any manner, hence this remained hidden from the world.

Great masters quoted her life as examples to what happens to every one of us. This is the story that keeps repeating in different lives in different roles. It is not the roles that matter, but it is the attachment to that role that keeps giving different forms and relations so that the law of karma can be dealt with, so that the give and take finishes off. Till all the give and takes are over, one cannot escape rebirth. That is why our Guru stresses on unconditional approach in everything – acceptance, forgiveness and love. No conditions attached means detached. No conditions means no give and take, no contracts. This is where the drishta bhaav or the witness attitude plays a great roles while one is undergoing the prarabdh under different roles. Witnessing as an observer will not soil one’s hands with further karmic connections or creating further sanskars of the give and take. It just finishes off with that karma. Thus, detachment is CERTAINLY NOT being cold-blooded to family members or relatives. It is learning to understand this fact from a higher point of view and the maturity to understand and be patient with the way others are towards you. If this is done properly, there will not be any sign of hatred or ill-feeling or guilt while detachment is practised towards others. If there is, then it is not the correct way. More sadhna has to be done. For best results, you may wish to practice the “Nachiketa Agni Dhyan” of Babaji, which can be bought from the Divine shop.
These facts can help one understand why one should accept everyone the way they are, because they are also undergoing their karmic unknowingly and they are doing that unto you which you have done unto them. It’s something that is happening tit-for-tat. This understanding gives more strength to know why to forgive. Nonforgiveness amounts to the blame game where the blame is still resting on the other person without me not taking responsibility for my own karma. Thus, this becomes an impression and i have to come back to give or take. Understanding all this begins to sprout the flower of unconditional love. Love that has not conditions, it is okay if you don’t love me, that must be your karmic influence, but i now understand the karmic game and thus love you for what you are. Now the love starts becoming even purer and true.

It may not be easy, but repeatedly when one lives in these truths of life, one can slowly start practising it and living it. It is not easy because even after knowing all this, the sanskaras are so strong, that the Guru has to keep stressing and reiterating to forgive and let go. His greatness, His patience, His compassion that He stay hammering with this all the time, but yet so difficult to get into our ego non-acceptability. Sadhana is very, very, very, very crucial in this as this deep-rooted flaw towards liberation cannot be dawned or understood by reading or understanding.

Also, to understand our attachments and detachment it is necessary to understand the life game of karma. Atleast that should put some light on our lives and that should open up new horizons of understanding of our actual life purposes. In divine gratitude to my Gurudev and to all the great Masters who live blessing their ignorant children, divine love and light.

You may also like to read –

Karma of Attachment

Freedom from Attachment and Detachment 

Is Living without Attachment Possible?