Someone asked me what do i do if i feel lonely.
Now, this is not about being a celibate or couple. This topic has absolutely nothing to do with that decision. That’s absolutely your take.
i am aware that friends ask me this question because they find me always solitary and in solitary locations, and the best part is that i love being alone. Thats what i precisely want to point out that ALONE is the different thing than LONELY. If aloneness is taken as an escape route, it has to become lonely. My personal experience is that if you love your own company, you can never be lonely.
In fact, i always am desperate to be with myself. The crowd doesn’t thrill me anymore, people can’t give me the solace anymore, my beloved ones can’t give me security anymore, my friends can’t entertain me any more, groups don’t make my identity anymore, well wishers fail to encourage me anymore… if you see what i am trying to say. When you need thrill, solace, security, entertainment, identity, approval from the outside world, naturally you will need them all through people. But what if you can offer solace to yourself, you can find security yourself, you can find your own identity, you dont live on other’s approvals and conditions, you can entertain yourself… These needs have automatically shifted from the people to yourself. So all you need is yourself. You become self-sufficient.
When that happens, finding peaceful places will become your priority, because crowds dont help now, but they become a sort of distraction, and you want to be with yourself as soon as possible. It’s like the lover who feels irritated because the other lover is spending so much time with people, friends, society, office, relatives that he/she doesn’t have time for the lover. What will the lover seek then? If the love for each other is strong, one will try to bring the mightiest best to bring the attention of the other lover towards himself or herself. And the other lover who is lost in the crowd – if the love is strong, he or she will try to rush back to the lover as soon as possible. At that time all parties, all entertainments, all jobs, all tasks, everything will be the last on the list… first on the list is to reach back to the lover.. Now put that into the same equation of what if i am my own lover? 😀 I will try to find myself with myself as soon as possible. And where will i go? To the crowd again? Nope. But to places where i am not disturbed with myself. If this happens – know that you can’t be lonely. You rather want to be alone, with yourself. This is not escapism – this is the true nature of the soul. For it is seeking to be united with the Self always.
This happens with all – every single human has this desire to find their true self and be one with it, but only thing is they are unaware. They feel that oneness is in their spouse or house or party or children or friends or relatives or addictions or outing or a treat – all these are in actuality desperate ways the soul is seeking to be contended and at peace and blissful, but alas, it lasts for a few minutes or hours or days and then the moment that external support is gone, the peace and joy also is gone. Then the human hunts after another something. And when he or she doesn’t get it, it is termed as “feeling lonely”. It is actually not lonely but i would term that precisely as “feeling of emptiness” or the “void”. This will not happen if you, without beating around the bush and through all these glitters of life, chose to directly address the issue of fulfilment. Feed the soul, and you will be happy. For feeding the soul you don’t need all the things that are marketed outside, that promises to give you the “feed”. With these kind of feedings you become a slave – because you become dependent on this one and that one and this thing and that thing. The moment that thing or this one is not available, you become miserable. Ahhh.. i have been through all this shit so i know how crapy it feels 😂 And that is why i can compare both experiences and explain it well also. i have been through all that stuff, and you need it also.. unless we scrape our butt over certain experiences – that the Sages have been telling for eons, the Upanishads have been telling since eons – it will not appeal. We need to experience all the possible crap and be bruised – until the time, we look at our own self and say “bagal mein bacha, gaon bhar dhindora”.
When that happens, and when the real thing starts coming to you from the place that you never imagined before (yourself), you will be now sure that yes, the Sages were right and all the scriptures were right and all the tons of discourses by all the great Masters is right.. Then you become obedient to life and the teachers and settle for the simpler things in life.. simple food, simple people, simple living, nature – nature yes, because that is the most simplest or original thing in existence, there is no artificiality in it, it simply is the way it is. Then, you look back and you laugh at the old fool, that was once searching like the musk deer. You then learn to settle down and breath in your own fragrance, you dont need artificial fresheners to give you a high.
And if crowd or people or things gives one completeness, why would there be the feeling of “bheed mein bhi tanha” kinda stuff.. Bheed is not what the soul seeks…
Now, i hope this answers what’s the difference between loneliness and aloneness. Yes, but i do admit that still have a few “missings” in my life, but then i know where it is coming from. By now i have seen the larger picture and i have seen great big “missings” having no place in my heart today, i dont even know where they went. So, if they can go, i know these small “missings” and stuff also will go, and it is from that conviction that i speak. Hope this post helps. It is a first hand type at probably 100 words per minute, so please excuse if any mistakes in this. Gotta go.